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Advice needed - 3/1/2010 3:15:48 PM
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TheAimes
Posts: 1499
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From: Baton Rouge, LA (AKA swamp land)
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I recently made a very big mistake and had several months of bad judgments. I was deceitful to someone and kept a lie running for several months. It ended with someone i care very much about being hurt and pretty much ending our friendship. I have repented to the Lord and to my friend and he has said that he forgave me. He said that we would still communicate and that he would give me a chance to prove myself to him yet now he has stopped talking to me. he doesn't repsond to any form of communication. I have concluded that our friendship is done but i am now overcome by a spirit of fear. I am afraid that he will expose what i did to everyone, since we share the same friends this could end all the friendships i have. he could also perhaps get me fired considering one of our mutual friends is my boss. What i did was wrong, and he said that he wouldn't seek revenge but i am still overcome with this fear. Should i try to express myself to the person i wronged, should i come clean with everyone even though it doesn't involve them or should i leave it as it is? Please help as i have been struggling with this for the past 2 months.
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Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 5:33:31 PM
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Kerrlaw
Posts: 5344
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
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quote:
I have repented to the Lord and to my friend and he has said that he forgave me.
I would leave it right here, assuming that the lie didn't involve others.
The more you stir stuff up, the more it smells.
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That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 7:15:15 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2692
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TheAimes
I am afraid that he will expose what i did to everyone, since we share the same friends this could end all the friendships i have. he could also perhaps get me fired considering one of our mutual friends is my boss.
should i come clean with everyone even though it doesn't involve them
It is true guilt that causes us to feel bad and make things right with people we have sinned against, and it leads to healthy relationships with God (immediately) and others (either immediately or eventually). If the person you sinned against has forgiven you, then what you are feeling is false guilt. Look at 1 John 1:9 and shout down the false guilt: "I'm forgiven and the guilt has been paid for at the cross!"
As Christians, our greatest glory is that we are forgiven. So it's not a big stretch that we have sin in our lives, and that God has dealt with it. Don't be afraid to say, "I really blew it, and God was gracious to forgive it. By His grace, I'm walking closer with God now." So we don't care if people know we sinned; the main point is God's forgiveness. He knew we were sinners when He saved us, right? It's part of what He saved us from. I am a sinner saved by grace, and it's my song for all eternity.
You're concerned about consequences; may I suggest that it could be a big weight over your head to worry if the consequences will come. They might or they might not. If they do, take it like a man and soldier on with whatever God has for you to do. If not, then God's grace to you, and soldier on with what God has for you to do. God has a plan for your life, and He'll lead you if you lose all your friends and your job and He'll lead you if you don't. Trust Him, not your life.
A mark that God is dealing in your life is that you look back on the sin and say "I don't ever want to do that again; it's sin. I renounce it." And your life will be different in that area that you blew before (part of that will be the dishonesty that let you keep the problem going without dealing with it sooner. Confess and repent that, too, if you haven't already).
We're all forgiven sinners, The Aimes. We keep our eyes on Jesus because He forgave us out of love for us, and we owe Him everything.
Remember the words from Martin Luther's great hymn, "A Mighty Fortress"?
Let goods and kindred go,
this mortal life also;
the body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still;
his kingdom is forever.
It's all about Him. Let this time refocus your eyes on Him and be thankful that all of your sin was forgiven. The Accuser of our Souls, the devil, hasn't got a leg to stand on because you are covered by the blood. Rejoice in it! And walk on, holding God's hand. Let Him change your life and root the sin out, one step at a time. It will bring Him great glory.
(((HUgs)))
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 8:01:52 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2378
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From: Canada
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Leave it as is.
Cure your fear by knowing you could endure anything that your friend might do... but you don't sound as if he would really do any of it anyways. It's been months.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 9:59:23 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 12983
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From: Here, now
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Did your deception and bad judgment involve illegal activities?
Were they related to your job?
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Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 11:35:44 PM
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TheAimes
Posts: 1499
Joined: 10/7/2008
From: Baton Rouge, LA (AKA swamp land)
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quote:
Did your deception and bad judgment involve illegal activities?
Were they related to your job?
Nothing illegal, and no they were not job related at all. It's just a fear of consequence and unforgiveness toward myself.
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/1/2010 11:49:10 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 2378
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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OK...
(1) Fear of consequences: What if everything happens as bad as it possibly could? What would your life, faith and hope look like if you were looking at the "end all the friendships i have. he could also perhaps get me fired"? Would you be able to get anything back? Would any of your friends maybe forgive you and stick with you? If not what would life look like without those friends and how would new friends enter your life afterwards? Would you be able to sue for wrongful dismissal? Would you get any pay or govt benefits? How would you go about getting a new job? How would these events effect your faith life? Your Church life? Your hope in life? Your vocation for Christ? Your foundation in the love of God? It might just be me, but I think you'd survive even such a disaster as this.
(2) Unforgiveness towards yourself: This is a genuine problem, if you think you need to forgive yourself. Did you sin against yourself? If not, then the privilege of forgiving those actions is not something you can or should be doing. I understand that you did wrong to this friend, and that you acted against God. Those two people may forgive or not, as they choose. Pretending that you have a role in that process is kind of arrogant in an odd way. You may still regret your actions, but you can't forgive your own regret away. Regretting is a totally appropriate response to having done wrong. Guilt, however, is not. If you are under God's grace, accepting His forgiveness as a real, solid, done-deal is a critical part of living faithfully and accepting His truth in your life. Don't avoid His work because you have been tricked into thinking it is your job to forgive yourself to get rid of your guilt!
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Advice needed - 3/2/2010 12:13:09 AM
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TheAimes
Posts: 1499
Joined: 10/7/2008
From: Baton Rouge, LA (AKA swamp land)
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Maybe i worded that poorly. I am allowing the Lord to work in my life through this, I am closer to Him now than ever before. Something about realizing just how wicked i am made me see Christ's love and mercy in a whole new way. I regret everything that i did, i wish i could go back and erase the last 10 months and never have began the path that led me to where i am but i know that i would still be blind concerning God's love for me. Having the knowledge i have now is something i am grateful for, but losing a close friend and living with the worries i have now is something i wish i could erase.
If everything does fall apart i Know the Lord will bring me through, i just wanted some advice from fellow believers to see if i had handled it correctly or if there was something else that needed to take place.
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/2/2010 12:39:15 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2692
Joined: 9/26/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TheAimes
If everything does fall apart i Know the Lord will bring me through
God bless you, TheAimes, and profit you immeasurably! (((HUgs)))
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/2/2010 2:27:58 PM
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TheAimes
Posts: 1499
Joined: 10/7/2008
From: Baton Rouge, LA (AKA swamp land)
Status: offline
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Thank you deermousie (hugs right back at ya) :D
_____________________________
Oh Christ, be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.
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RE: Advice needed - 3/3/2010 11:59:43 PM
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psalm100
Posts: 909
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Leave the situation as it currently stands. Maybe your friend will "come around" and start talking to you again. You have sought forgiveness from the Lord and from your friend. If the are any consequences, I am sure the Lord will bring you through.
_____________________________
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
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