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Family Issues - 11/18/2009 6:25:24 PM
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daniball3
Posts: 1
Joined: 11/18/2009
Status: offline
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I don't know if I should have posted this in parenting or not. I am fuming and trying to cool my anger before I begin a bad situation. I am normally not easily angered but today got the best of me. Ok...here goes!
My daughter is turning three this Friday. I already knew that my family is not as involved as I wish they would be. I had decided to just take my children to the Zoo and Chuck E' Cheese for her birthday and not stress about a party. My husband was laid off in July and has not been able to find a job that would pay the bills since. I knew that we did not have the money to buy a bunch of food for people to come and complain. (We had Annual Zoo passes bought for us and Chuck E Cheese would only have been $20) My mother said that she would take care of a party at her house so my family could celebrate as well. Sounds fine. I know my brothers will not come because one is away in college and the other has different priorities. My Uncle and Aunt are not the nicest people but may come to complain. My cousin may show up if her parents do to tell me how much more advanced her two year old is than my daughter. And my grandparents are my greatest support and love would do whatever they could. My step-daughter and her husband would show up for the food but say they did not have money for a gift before proceeding to the movies and parties with their friends that evening. (Even that she is pregnant and already has a 2 year old.) My mom wants all that go for it! My daughter would be none the wiser and have a good time.
It couldn't be that easy. My grandma has Parkinson's and said that she would not leave the house and to do it at hers. Fine with me, my mother is an hour away from everyone and my grandma's house is bigger. No, my mother refuses to have anything to do with it there. So I end up spending most of my daughter's present money on food since the invitations have already been sent. Well, my cousin says she has plans and her parents are going to a USF Football party. That leaves my husband and kids, my grandparents, step-daughter (and fam) and my best friend (plus hubby and baby). Not really worth the trouble to me so I cancel party. Kind of annoyed at the lost money for my daughter but still ok because food won't waste and she still is young enough to enjoy her day. Then the bomb shell hit. I got an e-mail from my Uncle stating "Hope that Julianne has a great birthday, we'll drop by with a gift but had already made conflicting plans. I'm really hoping that your friend doesn't get grandma sick, she is already in a frail state." I started typing a nasty response but came here to ease nerves instead. I am at my grandparents every other day helping her and have even discussed moving in because of her "state". There are days she will call and I will have to drop everything and take my kids over there to help. He comes over to have coffee on Friday mornings (Literally 15 minutes) and has the audacity to tell ME that. I am still shaking I am so mad! Not to mention that today is my anniversary with my husband. I need words of wisdom to focus up and bite my tongue. Thank you!
Danielle
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RE: Family Issues - 11/18/2009 6:54:18 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 497
Joined: 9/4/2009
Status: offline
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Hi Daniball3~
Welcome to CW 
I do not understand why you cancelled the party. You had a few people willing to attend and that would be sufficient for a 3 y/o.
The only off the wall thing I saw/read was your uncle's lack of understanding of Parkinson's Disease. It is not an immune disease but a nerve/muscle disease. (My mom has PD)
I also come from a dysfunctional family, so I never had a birthday party for my son. When he turned 3 I took him to McDonald's and bought him a Happy Meal and allowed him to walk through the toy department and pick out a gift.
Since you understand the make-up of your family, it probably would have been wiser to have packed a lunch and had a picnic at the Zoo with children.
MHO you need to stop including self absorbed people in your life, they are not reliable. Set some Boundaries with them and not expectations.
Hats off to you for helping grandma in her time of need,
Blessings
CMT
_____________________________
formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: Family Issues - 11/18/2009 8:53:47 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 2444
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
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Welcome to the forum, daniball3!
I agree with CMT.
Your kid at her age will have a ball no matter what and she has no clue what to expect; why raise your blood pressure pretending your family likes to get together and be a family? They can mail or drop by a gift if they even remember it's the baby's birthday and you and your immediate family can have a nicer day at the zoo.
If your family wants to act like a pack of hyenas, then don't act like they aren't. Don't impose them on yourself. Do your own thing because they can't be positive or helpful or loving or sacrificial. The day was about your daughter, not you forcing your family to be nice. Don't sacrifice your kid for them.
Ever heard the joke about not teaching a pig to sing? It won't work, and it annoys the pig. 
In your shoes, I wouldn't invite family to any day that was important to me, because they'd kill themselves trying to make it about themselves. They aren't kind people. Give them attention when you can spare it from your own routines.
And go give Grandma a hug from me; she sounds like the only civilized person in the family besides you. God bless you, dear one, and happy birthday to your little one!
_____________________________
People died to give you the Bible in your language.
Read it. Eat it. Dwell in it. Rightly divide it. Live it.
Laugh, dance, praise your God, and go read some more. And God bless you.
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