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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/19/2009 11:10:05 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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My husband and I were both believers at the time of our marriage but we married young. I was 20 and my husband 19. I felt young then and looking back, it 'looks' and 'feels' even younger.  But the Lord had His hand on us although in truth we were very oblivious to Him at that point in our lives.
So we truly 'grew up' together. And we also 'grew up' in the Lord together. The Lord used many ways and circumstances to grow us up. Miscarriages, illness, demanding work schedules, living away from family, career disappointments, and on and on were all things He used to grow us into His likeness. And while that work is still very much ongoing, we have learned some things. . . mostly to love Him more and more and to live each day thankfully.
So how do we do that in the midst of an often frustrating, disappointing, or confusing relationship with our spouse? I frequently read scripture being applied to the spouse with words such as 'he should be doing this or she should be doing that or that is not how he is to act'.
And while those thoughts and statements are true, the question we need to ask is what am I responsible for? I cannot change my husband. I am responsible for how I respond to him.
The Lord would have me look to Him and live rightly before Him. My husband is His responsibility, not mine. And the Lord uses my spouse to sanctify me. How? Often by irritating me and showing me myself and the areas in me that need to be redeemed. And in the same way, I am to bear my husband's burdens which are his unredeemed areas of sinfulness.
There is a Twila Paris song that I have sung often because it combines alot of scriptural thoughts and is a good illustration of how we are to live. It goes like this:
Search my heart, make me clean.
It's Your approval I long for.
Rule my life. Be my King.
Do what You will, I belong to You.
These thoughts are key to God's purposes in us and our marriage. It is my heart that needs to be searched---not my husband's heart but MY heart. Lord, show me MY sin, MY wrong responses, MY wrong attitudes or actions. And change me, Lord, into Your image.
Make me clean, Lord. Use all of these things in my life, Lord, to make me more like Yourself. When my husband does something unkind, let me live Your love to him all the more as You live Your love to me when I am most unkind, or thoughtless, or ungrateful to You.
It's Your approval I long for. Yes, Lord, I'm longing for Your approval. It is You I live to please. And I will please You most by loving my husband as You love him. I will please You most by bearing my husband's burden of sin just as You daily bear MY burden of sin. O thank You, Lord!
Rule my life, Lord. Be my King. I want to be so under Your rule and sway, Lord, that all my responses and actions and attitudes are in response to You. . . not to my husband, not to my circumstances, but to You. Help me, Lord!
Do what You will, I belong to You. You know best what I need. And all You do is good and only good for me. So when I encounter disappointments, help me thank You, Lord. When I'm being tried with illness or demands that seem unreasonable, let me offer them up to You and hear and feel and find Your love for me in the midst of them. You are conforming me to Your image and You are able and know just what it will take to smooth off the rough places so that I reflect Your glory, Lord.
Our marriage relationship is the primary relationship the Lord uses to sanctify us, to crucify the flesh. Crucifixion does not feel good. But it is the way for our flesh to die and that is most wonderful.
And when we are aware of what the Lord is doing in and through our marital relationship, to conform us to His image, we can then cooperate with Him and see the joy and not resent or be angry with our spouse. They are really doing a wonderful thing in us and for us. And, yes, it is often their ungodliness that produces the most wonderful results in us. . . if we offer ourselves to the Lord in this way.
Have to run. . . more later.
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/19/2009 12:13:19 PM
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catlady11
Posts: 80
Joined: 4/18/2005
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What a wonderful post - just what I needed to hear. Don't think I've been this convicted in a long time (and that's a good thing).
(I thought marriage was God's plan of getting even with us because of Adam's sin.)
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/19/2009 4:18:51 PM
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CMT8808
Posts: 911
Joined: 9/4/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
The Lord would have me look to Him and live rightly before Him. My husband is His responsibility, not mine. And the Lord uses my spouse to sanctify me. How? Often by irritating me and showing me myself and the areas in me that need to be redeemed. And in the same way, I am to bear my husband's burdens which are his unredeemed areas of sinfulness.
There is a Twila Paris song that I have sung often because it combines alot of scriptural thoughts and is a good illustration of how we are to live. It goes like this:
Search my heart, make me clean.
It's Your approval I long for.
Rule my life. Be my King.
Do what You will, I belong to You.
These thoughts are key to God's purposes in us and our marriage. It is my heart that needs to be searched---not my husband's heart but MY heart. Lord, show me MY sin, MY wrong responses, MY wrong attitudes or actions. And change me, Lord, into Your image.
Make me clean, Lord. Use all of these things in my life, Lord, to make me more like Yourself. When my husband does something unkind, let me live Your love to him all the more as You live Your love to me when I am most unkind, or thoughtless, or ungrateful to You.
It's Your approval I long for. Yes, Lord, I'm longing for Your approval. It is You I live to please. And I will please You most by loving my husband as You love him. I will please You most by bearing my husband's burden of sin just as You daily bear MY burden of sin. O thank You, Lord!
Rule my life, Lord. Be my King. I want to be so under Your rule and sway, Lord, that all my responses and actions and attitudes are in response to You. . . not to my husband, not to my circumstances, but to You. Help me, Lord!
Do what You will, I belong to You. You know best what I need. And all You do is good and only good for me. So when I encounter disappointments, help me thank You, Lord. When I'm being tried with illness or demands that seem unreasonable, let me offer them up to You and hear and feel and find Your love for me in the midst of them. You are conforming me to Your image and You are able and know just what it will take to smooth off the rough places so that I reflect Your glory, Lord.
Hi LL~
It is funny I have started praying this. Saying to the Lord that I see my husband's faults, but where do I need to ask forgiveness and repent on and to show my my sin and faults where I can allow You to be more glorified in our marriage.
The funny thing is I have beeing praying for my husband who hasn't liked any church that I have gone to with our child. Out of the clear blue yesterday he said, "Sunday I want us to check out this church I saw and we will go as a family!" Woohoo!
This is my second marriage and I have seen how I contributed to it's failure. I had sacrificed in that marriage but neglected to pray for him.
However this time my present husband and I are more equally yoked which seems to have made somethings appear more difficult as I have had to crucify my flesh of controlling all things. (I controlled everything in my first marriage and believe me this has been hard. Because now my present husband is head of the household, I need to learn and step back. Ouch!)
So it kind of coinisides with a vision the Lord gave of me nailed to the cross, which I believe He was showing me I need to crucify my flesh <groan>
But I am getting better at it
Thanx
CMT
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formerly Delete 123
Never Underestimate the Power of God
Romans 8:28, Proverb 3:5
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/20/2009 10:54:54 AM
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timbo4
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When Adam was created in the year 4026 B.C.E., at the end of the sixth "creative" day (Gen 1:26), God placed him in a beautiful garden paradise.(Gen 2:8) Yet, all the animals had a mate, but not Adam. Hence, God now said: "It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.”(Gen 2:18)
God knew that is was not good for the man to continue by himself. Genesis 2:21, 22 now says: "Hence Jehovah God had a deep sleep fall upon the man and, while he was sleeping, he took one of his ribs and then closed up the flesh over its place. And Jehovah God proceeded to build the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman and to bring her to the man."
Upon seeing his "complement" for the first time, Adam replied: "“This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman (Literally, “a female man.” Hebrew, ’ish·shah′), because from man (Hebrew ’ish·) this one was taken.”(Gen 2:23) This arrangement is one from God, for Genesis 2:24 says: "That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh."
This divine arrangement can be also for reproduction, for at Genesis 1:28, God says to this couple: "Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is moving upon the earth.” Thus, the earth was to be ' filled ' with perfect humans. However, this loving provision took a turn for the worse, when Eve was seduced by the "original serpent", Satan and Adam followed her lead.(Gen 3:1-7; 1 Tim 2:14)
Now sin was introduced into mankind, resulting in God now telling Eve: "I shall greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy; in birth pangs you will bring forth children, and your craving will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.”(Gen 3:16) Instead of the marital arrangement being filled with joy, "pain" was now a part of the marriage, be it more physical for the wife as well as mental and emotional pain, and that the man, because of imperfection, being flawed, would now "dominate" her, rather than the loving headship that God originally had designed marriage for the wife under her husband's loving headship.
Marriage was designed for a man and a woman to be happy, fulfilling the needs of their mate, with love as the guide, love of God first and foremost and love for each other. These were to be "one flesh", working as “one”.(Gen 2:24, Matt 19:5) Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10, says that “two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their hard work. For if one of them should fall, the other one can raise his partner up. But how will it be with just the one who falls when there is not another to raise him up?” For the marriage to last, verse 12 says: “And if somebody could overpower one alone, two together could make a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn in two.”
Who is the third one of the “threefold cord” ? Our Creator, Jehovah God. When his loving guidelines on marriage are adhered to, the marriage can blossom like a flower.(Eph 5:25-33; Col 3:18, 19)
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/23/2009 2:15:32 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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I began this thread to address God's purpose in marriage. Another thread recently asked us what is most needed in marriage.
What is 'most needed' is a great question in light of God's purposes regarding marriage. Obviously He had the meeting of our needs in mind when He created man and woman for each other.
But timbo has made the necessary connection between man, woman, and the Lord, the cord of three strands, and how the meeting of needs all come together in that cord.
A person who is focused on meeting their own needs will not be a good marital partner. God made a partner for Adam for fellowship (it is not good for man to be alone). She was to be a helper suitable for meeting Adam's needs. Yet the man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
So there is a mutual responsibility to look out for the needs of the other which is what love does. Remember Paul's words to the believers of Philippi? You could say these are his words regarding being of 'one a cord' .
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself (2:3).
Paul isn't addressing marital relationships specifically but ALL relationships! So if putting away self interests, ALL self interests, and regarding the needs of the other as more important ALWAYS in friendship, how much more is this to be a part of marital relationships?
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (2:4).
So looking out for your husband's interests rather than your own is the necessary component of successful relationship.
That means a continual dying of self, my wants, my desires and looking out for the desires of my spouse.
And so the Lord created a relationship where this dying could take place. And as we die to the demands of our self life, we find our true love need being met in abundance by the Lord Himself. And we find our spouse loving us more and more as the Lord desires as described by Paul in Ephesians 5. As we lay down our life, we find new life, His life, in our midst. And His life satisfies. His life brings great joy. His life is His purpose for us.
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 11/30/2009 10:34:03 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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In what ways is the Lord using your marital relationship to conform you to His image?
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/5/2009 2:17:04 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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If you belong to the Lord and desire to live a life pleasing to Him today, right here, right now, the choice you made in a marital partner needs to be seen as WHAT IS and as GOD'S WILL. To think otherwise is to have a worldly mindset and opens the door to worldly responses.
Scripture is filled with stories of women and men who are married and live in less than desirable circumstances. The story of Hosea, for example, is the story of a man married to a women who practices unfaithfulness. Yet God chose to give us this example, to lift it up as marital love. In fact, the Lord shows us through Hosea and his love Who He is and how He loves us, the often unfaithful ones.
Or look at Hannah, the mother of Samuel. Hannah shared her husband with a less than congenial wife. Hannah quietly bore the mistreatment she received. Hannah cried out to the Lord. Hannah's cries were so faithful that she gave her son to the Lord.
Or there is the story Abigail and Nabal. Nabal was what you or I might call unscrupulous. But Abigail lived rightly, godly in the midst of a less than desirable life circumstance.
It is the world's way to think of our life situations as mistakes or something we need to get out of. It is God's way to make a way, a good way, through the 'whatevers' of life.
He says all things work together for good for those who love Him for those called according to His purposes. There are no exceptions. There are no exclusions. This is one time when we can say ALL things and mean ALL things and be confident that we are speaking truth.
Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, spent time in prison and forgotten by friends who'd promised to help him. Yet Joseph's response to his life circumstances was not that these things were not right. His response was you meant these things to me for evil but God meant them to me for good!
If we live as these individuals lived, we will trust the Lord with ALL of our circumstances of life and believe that this marriage is God's will for me and that I am to remain faithful and to do all I can to uphold the vows I took when I entered into the marriage. The other person's unfaithfulness or unkindness or lack of godliness or lack of any spiritual growth or even of a relationship with the Lord is not reason for me to sin. God only allowed divorce because of man's hardness of heart. It was not and is not His choice for us.
Many years ago the Lord spoke this thought to me. What is is not wrong. God has allowed it to work good for me. If I can live and approach each life situation with this attitude, this truth, I can receive it and seek Him and believe that all is well and will be well.
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/5/2009 3:23:49 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3006
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
Many years ago the Lord spoke this thought to me. What is is not wrong. God has allowed it to work good for me. If I can live and approach each life situation with this attitude, this truth, I can receive it and seek Him and believe that all is well and will be well.
Livedloved, I've been followign this thread because I've been finding it to be very encouraging! About the bolded part, what would you say if your spouse is cheating on you. Would you say it's not wrong? How do you apply that "message from God" to every day events that are clearly wrong. Would you just shrug a shoulder and not do anything because you believe God will work things out. Do we live life passively, ignoring all evil? I'm confused.
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Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/5/2009 11:56:43 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
Many years ago the Lord spoke this thought to me. What is is not wrong. God has allowed it to work good for me. If I can live and approach each life situation with this attitude, this truth, I can receive it and seek Him and believe that all is well and will be well.
Livedloved, I've been followign this thread because I've been finding it to be very encouraging! About the bolded part, what would you say if your spouse is cheating on you. Would you say it's not wrong? How do you apply that "message from God" to every day events that are clearly wrong. Would you just shrug a shoulder and not do anything because you believe God will work things out. Do we live life passively, ignoring all evil? I'm confused.
What is is not wrong means that the 'whatevers' of your life have been sifted through the fingers of God and, therefore, are a part of His (permissive) will. I can fight against what God has allowed to enter my life OR I can turn to Him and ask Him how to respond to this situation as He would have me respond.
A cheating husband is obviously not living in a godly manner. But I am not responsible for his behavior. What I am accountable for is MY behavior and how I respond.
I do not ignore evil. You cannot live in this world and not be confronted by evil all the time. But we must always be living in communion with Him and seeking to respond, to live as He lives. That means I don't respond in fleshly, self seeking ways but that I die to self, lay down my pride, my rights and seek the highest good of the other person. Sometimes that involves tough love.
It's not easy, phiker. In fact, it is a daily struggle to die, to deny my desires and let Him live His life in me.
This past year following a Bible study lesson in which the Holy Spirit was really moving in our midst, my husband confessed to me that he had been unfaithful to me. This took place about 25 years ago. It was definitely a God thing, the Holy Spirit was teaching us about confessing our sin one to another. My husband had hidden this sin for 25 years. He could hide it no longer.
My first response was to be amazed and thankful that he had responded to the Holy Spirit's urging. But after a couple days, my flesh wanted to rise up. And the enemy was right there. I was being tempted to become angry. I asked for prayer from some godly friends and I sought the Lord myself. And the Lord provided the way of escape for me. I did not give in to the temptation. My husband made a grievous error. He confessed his sin. He is forgiven by God and by me. There is no pain, no bitterness, no feeling of even having been wronged. It is the work of God in me. And I am thankful. What he did was wrong but the Lord allowed it and used it to grow him and also myself. So even though his behavior was wrong (sin), the life circumstance (what is) is not wrong but was allowed by God and used for His good purposes in our lives.
I only shared that because it seemed like an example from my life that related in a more personal way to your question. I appreciate your asking questions and seeking to understand what I am saying. And if you have further questions or comments, I'm open. Bless ya, PH!
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/6/2009 10:50:08 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3006
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:
My first response was to be amazed and thankful that he had responded to the Holy Spirit's urging. But after a couple days, my flesh wanted to rise up. And the enemy was right there. I was being tempted to become angry. I asked for prayer from some godly friends and I sought the Lord myself. And the Lord provided the way of escape for me. I did not give in to the temptation. My husband made a grievous error. He confessed his sin. He is forgiven by God and by me. There is no pain, no bitterness, no feeling of even having been wronged. It is the work of God in me. And I am thankful. What he did was wrong but the Lord allowed it and used it to grow him and also myself. So even though his behavior was wrong (sin), the life circumstance (what is) is not wrong but was allowed by God and used for His good purposes in our lives.
Thanks for the response and for being open about your marriage. What if you had responded in anger. Would you say that "what is is not wrong" then? Would you still believe that God permitted you to be angry? Remember, being angry is not a sin...it is an appropriate response to evil.
As a single person, I'm really interested in learning more about God's purpose for marriage. While most poeple discourage marriage to someone who doesn't seem to be perfect by Christian standard, I fully believe that God uses marriage to sanctify us and make us more Christ like....
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Psalm 40: 1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/6/2009 5:12:43 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
My first response was to be amazed and thankful that he had responded to the Holy Spirit's urging. But after a couple days, my flesh wanted to rise up. And the enemy was right there. I was being tempted to become angry. I asked for prayer from some godly friends and I sought the Lord myself. And the Lord provided the way of escape for me. I did not give in to the temptation. My husband made a grievous error. He confessed his sin. He is forgiven by God and by me. There is no pain, no bitterness, no feeling of even having been wronged. It is the work of God in me. And I am thankful. What he did was wrong but the Lord allowed it and used it to grow him and also myself. So even though his behavior was wrong (sin), the life circumstance (what is) is not wrong but was allowed by God and used for His good purposes in our lives.
Thanks for the response and for being open about your marriage. What if you had responded in anger. Would you say that "what is is not wrong" then? Would you still believe that God permitted you to be angry? Remember, being angry is not a sin...it is an appropriate response to evil.
As a single person, I'm really interested in learning more about God's purpose for marriage. While most poeple discourage marriage to someone who doesn't seem to be perfect by Christian standard, I fully believe that God uses marriage to sanctify us and make us more Christ like....
Amen, PH, to what I made bold in your comment above.
What is is not wrong ends the struggle against what happens in life. If the Lord allowed it, then there is a good and godly response to it, a way to walk through the situation as He would.
I don't use this to minimize the sinfulness of sin or to justify sin in me. But through it, the Lord was helping me to stop fighting against life situations (saying for example, 'this is so wrong') and instead say 'thank You, Lord, for another opportunity to let Your life and love overrule (in me), saying no to my flesh and yes to You, and to let this thing be turned from evil to good'.
IOW, I don't respond by saying 'I can do whatever I want to because what is is not wrong'. I live Christ. And by living that way, He judges me and judges my responses. Sometimes I blow it. Then I confess it and receive the forgiveness He holds for me.
But if, for example, I had responded angrily, that too, if given to Him, would have been used for good. That is the beauty of walking with the Lord. He makes all things beautiful in His time. . . even our ugly sin is transformed into something good. When a sinner repents, the angels party! Sin confessed becomes reason for celebration and the rejoicing begins.
It is all a quite wonderful thing. And it all comes by walking with Him, living in relationship with Jesus, listening and responding and loving.
Yes, as I was sharing with some friends after church this morning, one shared about difficulties she and her husband are having right now. And so when we returned home, my husband and I prayed for them (and lots of different situations). Marriage is about that conforming work the Lord is doing in us and they are being squeezed in the mold right now. It hurts. Our flesh cries out. But God is faithful and will get rid of all that ugly fleshly stuff so that we will stand before Him blameless.
So we need to cry out thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord!
Edited to add:
Basically the thought the Lord gave me 'what is is not wrong' is in regard to what happens to me, the things He allows to come into my life. My response is to always be His response.:) (I'm not there yet. . . but by His grace, mercy and love, He's taking me there.:)
< Message edited by Liveloved -- 12/7/2009 11:29:15 AM >
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/7/2009 6:23:34 PM
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my quivers full
Posts: 107
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From: Canada
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I was watching a DVD last week on the Truth Project from Focus on the Family and the discussion was about Gods social institutions. The fellow teaching talked about the first social institution God created was the family and how that has the fingerprint of the Trinity. There is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and in the family there is the Husband, the Wife and the children.
Wives are told in Eph 5 to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. We often view submit as a dirty word, a bad word but did not the Son submit to the Father? If submission within the Godhead is a good thing, why do we view submission within the family as bad thing. Would it not be a good thing if we acted in relation to each other the same way the Godhead relates? Jesus is no less an important part of God than the Father, yet He submits His will, just as the wife is no less an important part to the family. In the Godhead we have unity through this submission, we have communion, fellowship, love, joy, companionship. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. If husbands would love and serve their wives, setting aside their desire to do what they want and meet the needs the marriage has, would we not be a better reflection of Christ in this world?
Malachi 2:15 says that God made man and woman one flesh in marriage because He was seeking Godly offspring.
I propose that God's purpose in marriage is to demonstrate who He is.
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No trees were hurt in the making of this post, but a few electrons were terribly inconvenienced :)
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/10/2009 12:07:52 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: my quivers full
I was watching a DVD last week on the Truth Project from Focus on the Family and the discussion was about Gods social institutions. The fellow teaching talked about the first social institution God created was the family and how that has the fingerprint of the Trinity. There is the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and in the family there is the Husband, the Wife and the children.
Wives are told in Eph 5 to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. We often view submit as a dirty word, a bad word but did not the Son submit to the Father? If submission within the Godhead is a good thing, why do we view submission within the family as bad thing. Would it not be a good thing if we acted in relation to each other the same way the Godhead relates? Jesus is no less an important part of God than the Father, yet He submits His will, just as the wife is no less an important part to the family. In the Godhead we have unity through this submission, we have communion, fellowship, love, joy, companionship. Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. If husbands would love and serve their wives, setting aside their desire to do what they want and meet the needs the marriage has, would we not be a better reflection of Christ in this world?
Malachi 2:15 says that God made man and woman one flesh in marriage because He was seeking Godly offspring.
I propose that God's purpose in marriage is to demonstrate who He is.
Oh, thank you for this excellent post!
This teaching is right on. God's purpose is for husbands to live Christ, for wives to live Christ, and for the world to see Christ through us.
It is a very high calling. And one we walk imperfectly as we learn to live Christ and give over every area of of self life to Him.
That's why living honestly, truthfully, is so important. We can confess when we've blown it, done wrong, sinned. We don't need to lie or hide or try and cover up. We can live in the freedom that Christ died to give us, knowing we are loved by Him and NOTHING can change that.
It is a daily journey. And we are led by Love Himself. He's given us Himself. He's given us His word. And He's given us each other to encourage each other and help each other up when we fall down.
Praise the Lord!\o/\o/\o/
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/15/2009 8:24:45 AM
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applemom
Posts: 81
Joined: 4/28/2005
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Just want you to know that this thread is really ministering to me.
I have questions, just not sure how to ask. Will pray about it.
Thank you for being open and vulnerable.
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/17/2009 10:59:56 PM
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spazlegs
Posts: 21
Joined: 11/29/2009
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One reason for us is to help one another grow up. Heavenly sandpaper dontcha know.
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/18/2009 3:55:13 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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Yes, I do know and I appreciate your bringing up that topic. Many run from confrontation or anything that 'feels' uncomfortable. Sandpaper rubbing up against you IS uncomfortable. And when living stones tumble around together, rubbing up against one another, sharp edges **** and poke and in general do hurt. But that is the life of believers living in community both within marriage or family relationships (including church family).
God uses all of these experiences to grow us into His image (sanctification). We should welcome and embrace them.
Edited to add: I don't know where those asterisks came from???
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 12/28/2009 11:08:38 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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I have read many threads in this forum with people asking about God's will regarding marriage. They are asking about His will regarding their marriage. One question was 'when is it over in God's eyes'.
If you are married, you need to understand that THAT is God's will for you. God's desire is that marriage is a lifetime, permanent commitment. That desire was expressed at creation when He made woman for man. He said that the man would leave his father and mother and that he and his wife would become one flesh. One flesh is a forever union. That is how God regards marital union and that is how we are to regard it as well.
In the OT days, divorce came into vogue. Why? Because of sin. God said specifically because of man's hardness of heart. Marriage is difficult. And man in sinful. Man's heart is hard. He desires to please himself rather than his spouse, rather than God. He finds marriage difficult and he wants out. Or he sees something he'd rather have. He thinks he made a mistake. He didn't know this person well enough. He didn't know they would do this or that. He didn't know what he was getting into.
But God hates divorce. Those are His words. He hates divorce. He hates the SIN that leads to divorce. He hates our self loving, self pleasing, self destructive ways. He hates them so much that He died for us so that we could be saved from ourselves.
He gave us Jesus. And Jesus will come and live inside us, take up residence within, and live His life in us. His life in us gives us the ability to get beyond ourselves. His life lives a life pleasing to God. His life dies to our selfish ways and lays down for others. His life bears the burdens of others (including and especially their sin). His life puts others first and sees their highest good as the goal of their life. His life is love.
His life is patient. His life is kind. His life is not jealous. His life does not brag and is not arrogant. His life does not act unbecomingly. His life does not seek its own. His life is not provoked. His life does not take into account a wrong suffered. His life does not rejoice in unrighteousness. His life rejoices with the truth.
His life bears all things. His life believes all things. His life hopes all things. His life endures all things. His love never fails.
That is a permanent, eternal love that can only flow into us and out of us by the power of the Holy Spirit. But that is His desire for us.
So if we marry, we are married for a lifetime. One flesh is a permanent union. That is how God desires we view ourselves, permanently joined to our spouse.
To ask or entertain thoughts of divorce is to put temptation before us. It is the enticement of sin that James tells us leads to being carried away and sin being born, coming to fruition in us. We are to say NO to temptation including thoughts of divorce.
We cast down everything that goes against what God says. We don't allow our thoughts to think on things that God hates. We call sin sin and passionately pursue Jesus and allow His life to push out all of the self loving ways in us.
God's desire is to give us Himself fully in the person of Jesus living within us. He will satisfy our every need. And then we can live and love as He lives and loves.
Our flesh dies hard. But it is the life He wills for us. If we desire His will (Thy will be done), if we desire Jesus, this will be our life.
Give me Jesus. That is the desire of my heart. I want His life, His love, and none of self.
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 1/2/2010 9:14:43 AM
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applemom
Posts: 81
Joined: 4/28/2005
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I really have found this thread to minister to me.
I don't believe in co -incidence, just answers to prayers.
So when he 'does' something that isn't necessary or is irritating or insulting, I am too 'bear it'.
Done lovingly with an attempt to 'put on' Christ, this leaves room for God to work in him and also to work in me, slowly filing those edges off.
I pray that God would teach me to respond the way He wants me to. Much of the time it is like I am struck dumb, nothing to say.
Once in a while now I find I say a little something, sometimes it even surprises me because it is said calmly, with no accusation or irritation, and (this is hard to explain) to the point, not cutting, but effective.
I have given up on romantic love, seeking now to love him as a fellow soul who is trying to make his way the best he can.
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 1/2/2010 9:49:11 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
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quote:
ORIGINAL: applemom
I really have found this thread to minister to me.
I don't believe in co -incidence, just answers to prayers.
So when he 'does' something that isn't necessary or is irritating or insulting, I am too 'bear it'.
Done lovingly with an attempt to 'put on' Christ, this leaves room for God to work in him and also to work in me, slowly filing those edges off.
I pray that God would teach me to respond the way He wants me to. Much of the time it is like I am struck dumb, nothing to say.
Once in a while now I find I say a little something, sometimes it even surprises me because it is said calmly, with no accusation or irritation, and (this is hard to explain) to the point, not cutting, but effective.
I have given up on romantic love, seeking now to love him as a fellow soul who is trying to make his way the best he can.
How wonderful this is to hear, applemom, that you are learning the ways of God! Bearing your husband's sin is what the Lord has done and does for us---daily bearing our burden as one psalm says. So as we become more like Him, being conformed to His image, we, too, will bear with others. And this bearing means praying for them as well. Taking this 'thing' that has hurt or irritated us to the throne of grace and leaving it in His capable hands because He cares for us!
I know the dumbstruck response. BTDT Silence in those circumstances is His way too. The words that 'might' fall out of our mouths would not be His. But it also sounds like you are beginning to respond in the Spirit, letting Him speak through you. He's doing it! You are being conformed to the image of Jesus! It takes time. Our flesh (usually) dies slowly and with struggle. But we're on a journey and the Lord's promise is that He will accomplish what concerns us and that at His coming we will be found blameless!
I think the world has created this view of 'romantic love' that you are finding to not exist. Let me encourage you by telling you that the death of this kind of love is good. This image that many of us had of what marriage and love would be like/look like/feel like came from watching movies or television.
But the Lord has something much more wonderful for us. So the death of an idyllic, romantic, worldly kind of love/marriage is good. Let it die. And let Him replace that false and deceitful image of love with the real thing, His love living in you and overflowing to your husband. And in time you will find that His love satisfies and is what we all need and hunger for.
The Lord wants to be the love of our lives. And when we let Him take His place in our hearts, and pray and believe for our husbands, then God can do wonders in us and for us! It takes time. But slowly we are becoming as He is. You are, applemom. I pray the Lord bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you, being gracious to you and filling you with His peace! LL
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 1/4/2010 1:14:58 PM
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potato33
Posts: 9
Joined: 1/4/2010
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Thanks for your insight,,,it confirms what I felt in my spirit about my wife. God is allowing what I consider her ungodly behavior to purify and sanctify me. My question is,,,but at what point if there is a point, do we say,,,o.k this is not God anymore,,,,this is just her and she's not changing?
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 1/4/2010 8:00:21 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2099
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: potato33
Thanks for your insight,,,it confirms what I felt in my spirit about my wife. God is allowing what I consider her ungodly behavior to purify and sanctify me. My question is,,,but at what point if there is a point, do we say,,,o.k this is not God anymore,,,,this is just her and she's not changing?
It is just her. But that is exactly what God uses. It is not pretty. But you are wasting your time when you ponder how others 'should' act. It will get you nowhere and only lead to anger and frustration and sin.
I read on these forums (all the time) about 'your husband should do such and such or your wife should do such and such'. Those words are pointless. Yes, God's word is clear about what love is and what a husband and wife are supposed to do. But we are not in control of our spouse. So we need to focus on what God tells US to do. I am in control of ME.
So you need to focus on you. Are you living in a godly manner toward your wife? Are you loving her as described in Ephesians 5? Are you living out I Cor 13 love? We are not perfect, but is that your heart's desire? Are you living a self sacrificial life for your wife's good because that is what love is and does?
I read your other post. Where is all of the anger your wife and her parents have coming from? There is a history here that we cannot see. And I am not hearing it from you.
I know you are in pain. I am sorry for that. But she is in pain too. Where did all of this pain originate from? What are you not telling us?
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: God's purpose in marriage - 1/4/2010 9:03:12 PM
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potato33
Posts: 9
Joined: 1/4/2010
Status: offline
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quote:
I read your other post. Where is all of the anger your wife and her parents have coming from? There is a history here that we cannot see. And I am not hearing it from you.
I know you are in pain. I am sorry for that. But she is in pain too. Where did all of this pain originate from? What are you not telling us?
The pain she has,,which has transcended into anger came before we got married. During our engagement I really ministered to her wounds. Her whole life she was manipulated by her family. She is the baby of the house 30 years old, but the baby. They all never let her think for herself,,her mom verbally and emotionally abused her,,to the point that she spent her whole childhood and I believ she still is trying to PLEASE them and Get their APPROVAL. Years back in prayer,,,she broke down to me and told me that she couldnt forgive them(her family) for treating her the way they did. Ironically, today she has drawn closer to them. Also, could be a deep hurt from her teenage boyfriend. Why they hate me??????Becuase I did not let them manipulate her anymore! I became her voice and courage to tell them no. I helped her to fianally think for herself, to love herself and to not be a peopple pleaser.
She is a great mom,,,but gets stressed out very easily and loses her patience. I guess in a way,,,she wanted someone to take the stress away. I help with my kids,,,BUT her momtakes all the responsibility to the point where she wants to be there becuase her mom takes all child raising responsibility. THIS is where I became the enemy and her mom the good one. Because although mom can hurt me and try to control me,,,,she alleviates my parenting stress all together.
Listen I'm no angel,,,i have flaws,,,but the only reason the Lord loves me is I believe because I very quick to admit my wrongs,,,confess my sins and repent. But the issue(it's baggage) that was there before me.
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