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My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 11:27:17 AM
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Mpen
Posts: 68
Joined: 1/8/2009
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Hello,
I dated her 10 years, from 10th grade up to our wedding. I was with her while her mom was struggling with cancer and passed away. We have been married 3 ½ years and it never was perfect, but I thought we were alright, but needing work. Then a friend that we saw twice a year contacts her and tells her he is leaving his wife for another woman even if she doesn’t take him, because there was no love at home. He has 2 kids and one on the way and I thought she was trying to work with him to support the marriage. Turned out the woman he wanted was a flirt and did not want him but he would not go back. Then he comes over to drink cause he can’t at home. I don’t drink but my wife does, and I was not afraid then. Well, she kissed him in front of me and that started everything. I did not get mad, just upset and found out they did not regret it. They started talking a lot more and found out they cared for each other in high school. Through facebook and texting, they have bonded and even tried secretly meeting at our house, but I found out and meet them there. She said she wanted to see what was there and not to do anything else. She said she loves me but is not in love with me. She is sad that she hurt me but not for what she is doing. She said she will go to counseling but it won’t change her mind. What gets me is that she is deeply religious and even was doing the Way of the Master from Kirk Cameron and Todd Friel. We even saw Fireproof before this and she tried the book on me, but gave up for some reason.
I am not perfect, as I do take most of the blame for her. I did push her away by not doing some things and wanting to be intimate more than a couple times a month. I used to have anger issues, but I have been lessening it steadily for over two years. She does not seem to notice that, because we did have one fight 3 months ago, where I got frustrated with her not understanding my feelings and I yelled.
She said she will stay with me until I am alright and her mind is made up, she can’t help how she feels. We are going to counseling on the 13th. She keeps wanting to see him, but is being honest with me and is not doing anything with him until we are split. I am in a weird and bad situation. Unless I let her see him with me and she does nothing, she will go to bars with him and hang on him and more. She asks permission to go or for him to come over! I have not let her go, because I want to go to counseling with her to see if there is any hope at all. I truly know we can work things out if she will try, but I also know there is little to no hope of that. I have always thought I was in true love and the only reason I pushed the intimacy was that was where I felt loved and when she pushed me away, it made me want loved more. Am I crazy for wanting her back? Should I let her go? In her words, “don’t I want her to be happy? And why should 3 people be miserable if only one can be?”
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 12:01:20 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 1236
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Marriage is for honoring God's Standards not
our own!
She's not happy because she can't have her time
with the boyfriend? big deal! She's not suppose to be
running after another man when she has a husband.
If she's not living for the Lord and following Him...
she's not going to be "happy" with the end results
of playing around with sin either!
You can commit yourself to godly living and focus on
building your relationship with the Lord... your wife will answer
for her own wrongs.
You and your wife exchanged wedding vows with each other -
your pledge was to forsake all others and cleave to each other...
there's nothing in those vows that stated - as long as I'm happy, I'll
uphold my vows-
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 2:34:15 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 3407
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
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It is just way too easy for feelings to fantasize that it would be better with someone else. This other chap is the green grass on the other side of the fence.
I do hope that counseling helps you two find understanding for each other, to see ways to enjoy each others company. BTW, intimacy may come more often when you two start enjoying each others company.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 5:03:52 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 241
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mattf99
In her words, “don’t I want her to be happy? And why should 3 people be miserable if only one can be?”
That's the most ridiculous, self-absorbed, thing I've ever heard of. I actually think, if you can stall her, get her to go to counselling, this guy will probably move on (again) pretty soon. How can a woman be so blind?
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 10:05:00 PM
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Mpen
Posts: 68
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I wish he would move on, but they can't stop messaging through phone text and facebook. That is really the extent of their current relationship, other that when they convince me to let him come over to see a movie. She actually made a few promises that she would not drink, not sit near him, and I threw in that she was not to hug him goodbye. But then I found out she knew he was bringing beer before he came and she went right to it. later she sat on the floor next to his chair to get advice on her razor phone I had to reactivate because she broke her other one. I had to fix her phone because he offered to buy her one on his plan! I can't control anything or she will leave. I have told her that I don't like it. But she is to the point where she will just leave if I try to stop her from messaging. She has told me lets just see what the counselor says, but if he supports a bit of separation to let us grow, she will have no reason to follow through with working on us. It will give her an excuse to move to her sisters, but her sister does not want either man to come over if she is staying there. One good thing is that her sister thinks she is being stupid and this is some sort of crush that may work out over time. I am not so sure because she has not budged but to say that lets see what the counselor has to say. I just hope he can convince her that trying to fix us is her idea. She does not like being told to do things, so if it is her idea, maybe it will help. I have tried since this started, but she wont take it from me. Now he asked me with a message to go to midnight bowling, something we did in high school. He did not say it, but I know he wants her there. He probably already sent her the text as well. I will find out. Maybe I will just show up with her and have her sister come and maybe my brother will show up. But that would make her take off with him maybe. I think just her sister if she will go.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/8/2009 10:09:55 PM
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csl7037
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This is all too weird. You're going to go crazy like this.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 7:28:28 AM
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Mpen
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I know it is weird. I just still love her, but this is such a drastic and dramatic change in her personality. She would never have done this before. The only thing that shows a reason is that she liked him some before. But that does not explain why she let this happen to her. She said she has been unhappy for a while, but I tried to help her and she never liked talking too much about it. I did not push it because I did not know what to do and she lost both her parents and her grandparents. I thought that time might help her and I was wrong. I needed to show I loved her in unique ways and do more things around the house. I used to get home at dinnertime and be tired. She gets home earlier and gets to take a nap, so maybe I was jelous some and rested on the couch, but she pushed that too. I really did not see much wrong, but she would never want to go out, but to movies. She likes to go out to bars with her friends and drink, but she hasn't seen her friends in a while. Now she can't wait to go out with him if I would just say ok. She is being nice to me about it. She just won't give up texting and facebooking with him because she thinks she is in love. I think it has to be something else like a way out of depression or from me for some reason. She told me that she doesn't even want to sleep with the guy. It is all about making jokes with him and haveing fun. The messages between them are all jokes to them and I don't always think they are funny at all. I just keep looking forward to the counselor and hoping that she can give us a chance through him. But I am also afraid that he will not help at all and after that she will be gone. If something good happens at the counseling I may have to keep this up till we can work on it more or continue counseling. Maybe he can convince her to take a break from her behavior. Unfortunately, there is some bar opening that they are looking forward to on th 23rd and I guess I may be going to suffer there. Maybe if I can get someone who cares to go, she will be too shy to do anything stupid in front of them. I still hope she can remember God loves her and wants her to do the right thing. But she believes in fate more at the moment. I still hold out hope for her.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 8:04:29 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 241
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I personally think it's ridiculous for you to be chaperoning your wife's dates. Your wife needs to grow up. If she's determined to act like this, you can't stop her. She seems to have no respect for her marriage or even for herself. But she won't have any for you either for you either if you stand for this treatment
I guess holding out for the appointment before doing anything drastic is good. I just don't know. You said her sister thinks she's being stupid. If she were my sister, I'd be all over her!
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 1:44:33 PM
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GregandJenny
Posts: 498
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Near Seattle Washington
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quote:
I am in a weird and bad situation. Unless I let her see him with me and she does nothing, she will go to bars with him and hang on him and more. She asks permission to go or for him to come over! I have not let her go, because I want to go to counseling with her to see if there is any hope at all. I truly know we can work things out if she will try, but I also know there is little to no hope of that.
You need to pray and let God do his work. YOU ARE NOT HER FATHER.
You really got to pray. This just seems to odd to me. The relationship doesn't appear to be a marriage relationship, and I would even venture to say that maybe she needs more than marriage counseling and only she can do that.
How did she deal with mom's death?
G
_____________________________
It does not have to be well with my circumstance to be well with my soul!
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 2:27:35 PM
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Mpen
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I tried to be there for her when her mom died, but I did not want to bring it up when she was feeling fine. She never really broke down that much. She was really sad a couple times and complained that she could not feel her around her. She was sad when she did not have her in her dreams. She had a dream last night about dying her hair and she said that her mom is always in her dreams now. I need to talk to her about that further, but I think that is something that I really cannot make better. I do not want to use it to bond with her. She did say she does not want to lose me as her best friend, but she can’t see that she can love me that way again. I do want her to be happy, but I do not see that leaving me to pursue someone else is what is going to do it. They think that they are in love, but they have not even been together privately at all. They are not basing it on a reality, but on an ideal love that does not exist but in the imagination of new lovers. You know the feeling that nothing can go wrong or bother you about the other person, but it eventually does with everyone that lives together. That is when you decide if it is worth it to ignore their faults, try to make things better, or continue to love them. I guess she gave up before and this came along to pull her away. I have been doing a lot of things for her lately, and now I need to get to what the real problem is, because nothing is budging her a bit. She thinks he is funny and romantic, just by his texts. Somehow they have more in common, but I don't see it. I have been there for her. I have offered to go places and take her places that I know she likes, but she never wanted to go with me. I am lost for what to do, but wait and read books that might help. I try to make her happy and she appriciates it, but does not care. I will push on and try to win her back even if she does move out. She wants to be my friend, so I guess I will have to suffer through that too.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 2:41:04 PM
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deedeeowens
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Regardless of what your imperfection's in the marriage might be, your wife is sinning against God. She is consumed with herself and what she wants to meet her emotional needs. Sin is always exciting and she will continue to push the limits until disaster strikes. She is playing with fire and she will get burned. If I were you I would draw the line and tell her that you aren't going to tolerate anymore communication with this guy. Then let him know that he has no business getting involved with your wife and to stay away from her. You don't have to put up with this!
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 3:21:42 PM
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csl7037
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Where did you say she'd lost her mom? Wasn't it both her parents? I can't find it now and can be thinking of another thread. But grief really does weird things to people. I've known the loss of a parent (esp the wife's mother when it was unexpected and at a relatively young age or early in the marriage) to lead to the end of a marriage - I can think of at least three examples of close personal friends plus I'm still making connections between what I went through stemming from my mother's accidental death almost 9 years ago and the problems dh and I have had these last 9 years that we're just now starting to get a grip on. Your wife really needs to deal with some things. Pray that the counsellor will convince her that it would be premature to do anything crazy like throw her marriage away with all this stuff she's still got to work through.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 3:43:48 PM
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GregandJenny
Posts: 498
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From: Near Seattle Washington
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quote:
Where did you say she'd lost her mom?
It was in his first post
G
_____________________________
It does not have to be well with my circumstance to be well with my soul!
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/9/2009 8:19:53 PM
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Ocean-Girl
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how are u wife betray u with anothe man grrr. if i was u od pray BUT dont put up with this rubbish
_____________________________
GOD is tender and kind
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/11/2009 2:21:50 AM
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Mpen
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Well I got one glimmer of hope from her today and I go and screw it all up. I should have learned before. First the glimmer of hope that was really not that good at all. She told me basically that maybe if I did give her some space, and even if she is seeing him, maybe she could fall back in love with me. Well, that does not sound real good, but the last part is what I have been trying to get her to admit from the start. She just does not like being controlled at all.
New years eave was horrible for them, but slightly better for me. She just kept wanting to see him and told me that she would go even if I did not. I knew better than to just let it happen while I still had hope. So we went to his house since his split family was out of town. They were supposed to be good, but I knew better. It ended up going to our place and yet he could not take being across the room from her, so he left for a bit and texted her that he was going to drive around. I was afraid he would come back for the new years kiss that I new they were planing, so I texted him to give us the space to go to counseling. He told her he would and then she hated me. We ended up going to her sisters and more happened, but that was the jist. They had the nerve to say I ruined their evening. It actually came out better for me. She still would go to counseling. However, the next day they resumed as if nothing happened.
He wanted to go to midnight bowling yesterday, but we did not because I got upset about her leaving me. He was so dissapointed it gave him an anxiety attack that he got before. That made him rethink the situation and he sent us both a long message of appology and wanted to give us space until this was all over. But, she did not see the message until after she texted with him. She told him not to give us space.
Now, tonight she wanted me to let her go see him and she would just go as a friend and nothing else. We never got to that though. Because of her message to him, I decided to finally reply to him and tell him how this was hurting me. He says he wants to go with my wishes and won't talk to her. But then he texted her that he was going to do that. So that set her off. She wanted to storm off, but I tried to reason with her and tell her that I was not trying to control her. This was the first time I told him anything about how I felt, and I did not think it changed anything. It was supposed to be time for us until we go to counseling on Tuesday. Tuesday. She could not wait. I told her she has the rest of her life and she could not wait until Tuesday.
So now she has gone to her sisters and I will see her tomorrow at some point at leist just to get her dog and some stuff if she decides she does not want to stay. She was so mad over something so little. She says I will not let her go, but she had agreed to go to counseling. I guess I love her too much. I told her I did not intend on starting something.
My love is the never ending kind, that cares and sees through the pain that things were not realy meant to be hurtful. It is just weird how they both actually care for me and said they did not mean to hurt me, but could not help how they feel. I am extremely disappointed in him, but for some reason, I do not really hate him personally for this. I just hate what has happened. I think they both need help, but I cannot help them. If this continues, I have lost them both forever. Before tonight, they somehow hoped to still be my friend. I really did not know if that would ever work, but I would really miss here if I never saw her again even after all of this. I would never be able to see her the same, but I can not help that I will always love her, no matter how badly she treats me.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/11/2009 7:02:38 AM
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carl54
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God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. You have no reason to tolerate the humiliation your wife is putting you through. You may not be perfect, and you may even have been mean in the past, but that does not justify what your wife is doing.
Tough love. Let your wife know you love her, but let her know that this other guy is not allowed over at YOUR house any longer and she is to cut off all communications with him. That's the first step. You should agree to ways for you to confirm that this has occurred. If she cannot agree to this then let her know she is free to go to live her life as she sees fit.
It may be difficult for your to see right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what direction this takes. God makes all things work together for the good of those that love him (Rom 8:28).
_____________________________
Walk in the Sirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Gal 5:16
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 4:05:34 PM
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deedeeowens
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You didn't screw anything up! You're awfully hard on yourself. She is the one that is out of line; bringing another man into the picture. She's going to answer for this because she is disregarding her commitment to you. You don't need to feel that you caused any of HER reactions. She is responsible for what she's done; NOT YOU. The other man needs to back off as well. He's supposed to be YOUR friend? I DON'T THINK SO!!! He needs to step out of the situation and stay out of it. GRRRR... This is making me mad and I don't even know either one of you. Just take it from someone on the outside looking in; SHE NEEDS TO ASK YOU FOR FORGIVENESS AND STOP THIS NON-SENSE!!!!
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 4:35:28 PM
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mrf084
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Brother, you are in a sick situation. You are being sucked into the worst kind of perversion. If it is the desire of your heart to stick this out you had better being praying for strength and wisdom. You are not going to have enough.
She is obviously under the influence of many different sinful behaviors. You say she is a Christian. It seems she isn't walking very close to Christ.
The only answer in this situation is God. Personally this kind of thing brings out the worst in me. I wouldn't be very successful at restraining myself. That is why God is important in the extreme for you.
Spill out your heart and your anger and your hurt to Him rather on this guy. Because some day you are going to realize the manipulation that is going on here. I pray that day is sooner rather than later for your sake. Amen.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 7:02:26 PM
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Mpen
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Thank you for your support on here. I keep praying that God will help her see that she can fall in love with me again and give me the chance. As well as help me to have the strength through it all. Now she is staying at her sisters for a week, but will go to counseling tomorrow. There was another issue. At Christmas he gave her a present. The funny show that we had been watching when he was over was Jeff Dunham the comedian ventriloquist. He bought tickets for the two of them to go February 15 I think in Kentucky. This is after they have professed their love over texts for only a week. She wanted to go with him. Well, I hid the tickets. Was that wrong????? He is trying to steal my wife, so I steal a mode of a day of their bonding. They were not that expensive. He can replace them easy. She found out though and wants them back. I told her we will get to that after the counseling. Not a definite answer, but I have not decided what to do yet, not completely at least. Should I give them back, really? Does she really expect that? I have been run over so many times with the way they have treated me lately, I think that they don't deserve them for that alone. I am trying to be the nice guy too much I guess. I'll admit that when she got mad Saturday, she said she would do some awful things. She was not interested in sleeping with him anytime soon or while we are married at least and I do believe that. But that night she said she would in anger, so I told her to calm down before she left. She wanted to go to her sisters and I told her I would take her, just to be sure. Plus she was too angry to drive. I know I shouldn't have, but I would not let her by me to leave. I did not get fisical or angry with her about it, but she did. She said she would hit me, so I told her to go ahead. I proved that I would not fight back. She calmed down when her sister called. I found out later that she called because the other guy got worried because he did not know what was going on and contacted her. She not thinks that I let her go because of that and not because she calmed down. I learned that I can not even oppose her anymore, let alone prove that I will not fight her. I should have just let her go and trust that she had some self control to just go to her sisters. I still don't know if that would have happened that way. I was not talking down to her or mean, in fact I was begging her to calm down please before you leave. I still can't believe that asking for time to go to counseling Tuesday could anger her so much, when she has the rest of her life to be with someone. Now everybody hates me, but she says they don't. I got nasty cruel postings put on facebook about it by him. Of course I could care less about him anymore, but still, his wife is on his side because of the way he spins it. Don't hold back, go ahesd and tell me I was wrong, cause I know it now, and I wont' make that mistake again. I will just walk away from her and let her go screw up their lifes too. She did say she was not mad at me, just frustraited. I know that in her mad condition, that she spun her story against me. I guess that I might as well hit the flush switch, cause I keep making it worse. She just found out I talked with a neibor of where we used to live with her mom about the situation. Her sister is temporarily living there now and that is where she is. Ok, she has family to talk to and my friend is now the enemy, so I talk to who I am around. My friends are mere aquantices, so that is why I am on here too. Thanks for reading the ramblings of a broken heart.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 7:09:53 PM
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GlassMoonWaltzes
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I've only skimmed through the thread, but I do have one question.
Have you flat out told your wife that she is SINNING? Because she is. Also, if the tables were turned and you were the one behaving this way, I'm positive she wouldn't be too happy.
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. 
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 7:20:05 PM
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csl7037
Posts: 241
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I think you need to call and double the appointment time with the counsellor tomorrow - this is going to take a while to fill him in and I doubt he's heard a story this messed up in a long time. But, in the end, I'm afraid you're going to have to let her go. You can't bar the door. She sounds completely irrational and even unstable. I see your heart and your desire to do the right thing but marriages are made up of two people who both have free will - you can't make her do the right thing even when what she wants to do is this ridiculous. Nothing you have posted here has made any sense at all. I realize there must be another side to this story but can't fathom what her side could be that would change much - I get a headache even thinking about having to listen to her side! I have to ask, has she had a history of mental problems? I said earlier the death of a parent can really lead to a dark place emotionaly and spiritually - and eventually mentally - there were times I thought I was really losing my grip on reality in the depression and despair of the two to three years after my mom died. But, at some point, you have to wake up and say, "what am I doing here?" You can't make her come to that point either. This is really starting to sound like a dangerous situation. You might have to back off and let her self-destruct. See what the counsellor says tomorrow - go even if she flips out and doesn't go.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 7:43:35 PM
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deedeeowens
Posts: 36
Joined: 6/10/2008
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Mpen,
You beat yourself up way too much!!! Who could blame you for taking away the tickets? I would have tore them up right in front of her! YOU'RE WIFE WANTS TO DATE ANOTHER MAN WHILE SHE IS STILL MARRIED TO YOU. That's called an open marriage; it's not Christian and it is certainly not what you had in mind when you said, "I do". Quit blaming yourself for her anger. Of course she's going to get angry. She uses that to manipulate you. Don't give her that kind of power. We are here for you Mpen. Don't feel all alone. Look how many people have responded to your post. Everybody cares and no one wants to see you get treated this way.
Dee Dee
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/12/2009 7:52:39 PM
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mrf084
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You are all manipulating and hurting each other. You have to stop it before the situation explodes into violence.
If you love your wife then don't respond in kind to the other guys manipulation."...be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil." Romans 16:19.
I am not one to condemn on this because I am not without sin in my past on this either. You cannot redeem anything worthwhile out of a manipulative relationship though.
Separation might be wise for awhile. You are getting sucked into a very strange set of circumstances.
You should have shut down the romance and not played along. Shoulda,woulda,coulda won't get you anywhere though. You are being passive-agressive as some would say. Stop it. You are not getting anywhere with it are you? You can't hide things and refuse to drive your wife places because she doesn't agree with you. She will just find another way.
Be assertive. Express your opinion without the poor me stuff. You are a man of God-made in the image of God. Your wife does deserve that. More importantly you deserve that.
Seek some help. God is always there. If you need to PM me go ahead. God Bless
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/13/2009 11:33:36 AM
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vicbhe
Posts: 57
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
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I just came up on this one, Mpen you must respect yourself. I can't imagine how low your self esteem and sense of self worth must be right now
But understand you are not innocent in this, you are enabling her behavior and you are allowing yourself to be immobilized by the fear of losing her. She has made her choice and now she is just humiliating you by flaunting her choice of sin in your face. This is nothing but blatant disrespect for you as a person, a husband, a human being. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else, and right now you are not loving you.
I understand that you love her unconditionally, but you are not only tolerating her behavior, you are making provision for it and making excuses for it. I really do understand, for many years I was you!
I loved my wife, I never stopped loving her but the day came when I did what I had to do. It broke my heart to divorce her and put her out. There comes a time when mercy, longsuffering, and the offer of forgiveness ends. Even God reaches a point where he says 'enough' and allows the sinner to self-destruct and that without remedy.
_____________________________
"Pay now, play later. Play now, pay later." Orville Ashley, my 10th grade algebra teacher talking about college. Wish I'd listened better back then.
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RE: My wife wants to leave me for a friend - 1/13/2009 12:13:45 PM
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Lyrach
Posts: 64
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
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Wow! I am sorry you're facing a situation where two people have decided to be uprightly selfish. Marriage isn't a walk in the park, is it? Sounds like you know that. Sounds like you are trying to gently convict your wife, find out what's happening, and make it work. Sounds like your wife has lost hold of her first love - and second = Christ, and you. You know those movies (very popular these days) like the Notebook, where at one point the little red-headed gal was actually engaged to a decent man, and then decides to call the whole thing off because she found her "first , true, real love" , yeah..right. My husband and I looked at each other and just shook our heads. Point is, when you get married, you get married. You made a CHOICE to love the person - no matter who or what steps back into your life, no matter what you feel like on any given day. Does "til death do us part" mean nothing anymore? It should mean more to Christians than to the secular crowd, but unfortunately, I'm not seeing any differences between the two groups these days.
I applaud you for counseling, and for holding to what is true. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY FOR LOVING YOUR WIFE. God intended this to be a life - long comittment, that's why it's SUPPOSED to be a HUGE deal when man separates what God has meant to be eternal.. .. He set it up to be that way. You are not crazy, and I also am happy to hear you're not taking the "new age" approach to this (e.g. when she asks you & is obviously trying to make sin an okay thing).... her wanting to meet w/this man and all this esp. when you two are still married is absolutely 100% cheating. Um , the whole rule about adultery in the bible was for MANKIND, not just applicable to men.
If I were you, I would keep praying, keep hoping, and try on your end to do what is best (sounds like you've identified areas in which you have failed too, which is extremely hard to do, but necessary)........follow Christ, even if she does not. She still may decide to be wayward, but let her be the one then to officially end it - sounds like she needs to make a decision.
I will pray for you. I 've been married for 7 years now, and it's never a walk in the park. There are some seasons that are easier than others, and some that you want to end, but know that God is trying to draw you closer to Him through the trials - get centered on Him & what matters. I will pray for the renewal of your wife's heart & mind. Right now it doesn't sound like she cares what God wants. God can and will and does transform our feelings - and, our feelings are NOT truth. They exist and are by-products of how WE process situations around us....God's word IS truth. THat wedding ring - THAT is concrete.
Peace and blessing to you in the name of our Lord.
LRC
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mpen
Hello,
I dated her 10 years, from 10th grade up to our wedding. I was with her while her mom was struggling with cancer and passed away. We have been married 3 ½ years and it never was perfect, but I thought we were alright, but needing work. Then a friend that we saw twice a year contacts her and tells her he is leaving his wife for another woman even if she doesn’t take him, because there was no love at home. He has 2 kids and one on the way and I thought she was trying to work with him to support the marriage. Turned out the woman he wanted was a flirt and did not want him but he would not go back. Then he comes over to drink cause he can’t at home. I don’t drink but my wife does, and I was not afraid then. Well, she kissed him in front of me and that started everything. I did not get mad, just upset and found out they did not regret it. They started talking a lot more and found out they cared for each other in high school. Through facebook and texting, they have bonded and even tried secretly meeting at our house, but I found out and meet them there. She said she wanted to see what was there and not to do anything else. She said she loves me but is not in love with me. She is sad that she hurt me but not for what she is doing. She said she will go to counseling but it won’t change her mind. What gets me is that she is deeply religious and even was doing the Way of the Master from Kirk Cameron and Todd Friel. We even saw Fireproof before this and she tried the book on me, but gave up for some reason.
I am not perfect, as I do take most of the blame for her. I did push her away by not doing some things and wanting to be intimate more than a couple times a month. I used to have anger issues, but I have been lessening it steadily for over two years. She does not seem to notice that, because we did have one fight 3 months ago, where I got frustrated with her not understanding my feelings and I yelled.
She said she will stay with me until I am alright and her mind is made up, she can’t help how she feels. We are going to counseling on the 13th. She keeps wanting to see him, but is being honest with me and is not doing anything with him until we are split. I am in a weird and bad situation. Unless I let her see him with me and she does nothing, she will go to bars with him and hang on him and more. She asks permission to go or for him to come over! I have not let her go, because I want to go to counseling with her to see if there is any hope at all. I truly know we can work things out if she will try, but I also know there is little to no hope of that. I have always thought I was in true love and the only reason I pushed the intimacy was that was where I felt loved and when she pushed me away, it made me want loved more. Am I crazy for wanting her back? Should I let her go? In her words, “don’t I want her to be happy? And why should 3 people be miserable if only one can be?”
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