|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
a friendship possible more. - 11/20/2009 3:46:34 PM
|
|
|
Lianna
Posts: 151
Joined: 5/28/2005
From: Edmonton, Canada
Status: offline
|
I work in an addiction recovery program/ homeless shelter. Our addiction program is 1 year. 18 months ago a my friend John entered the program when his marriage fell apart and his addiction became really really out of hand. Part of their program is that they work alongside staff members and help us do our Jobs more efficently. Well the past 18 I have come to know John really well. Infact I would say I have a connection with him more than I have with anyother person. I call him my best friend, which he is. All of our closest friend think we should be dating and eventually marry. John and I have discussed this and realize that we are both attacted to each other. However we through prayer have come to conclusion that dating at this point is not where God wants us. We both felt that God is telling us to hold back on the dating and strengthen our friendship first. And when (or if) the time is right God will let us know if we should bring the relationship to the next level.
However, about 2 months ago I asked my small group if John could join, they said sure. On the way home from that meeting I had confessed to a couple in the group that I was attacted to John and that maybe in the future he would be more than a friend. The small group member became very concerned about my relationship. Instead of coming to me with his concerns he wrote my employer telling them that I was having a sexual relationship with a client and demanded that I be reprimaned for inapporpriate behavior. My employer, then overreacted and threaten to fire me and take away my position in staff housing. I explained my relationship and my position was saved and my appartment was saved.
Then last week John and I went Christmas shopping and literally ran into my supervisor. The next day I get hauled into the office and my supervisor tells me he wants to fire me, because of my friendship. Also, he tells me that John will not get the job with the mission that he had an interview for that day. I asked why I was being punished because according to the rules of the addiction program once they were clean for a year they were free to see whomever they wanted. My supervisor looks at me and says he is still a client as long as he lives in a supportive living suite ( The only reason he is living in supportive living unit is because the independent living suite that he was promised is still being renovated). Then he tells me that it is against the rules for staff to hang out with clients. He gives me a copy of the rules and told me to justify my friendship and I can stay working there but He is taking me out of all counselling and group facilation because I can no longer can be trusted with men.
I am angry because I am looking at the rules and I see that there is no discrimination between male and female. Thus according to the rules male staff aren't allowed to hang out with male clients either, but they do all the time. Giving out personal information isn't allow, yet 90% of the staff have facebook and have an average of 10 clients on their friends on their list (including my manager and supervisor). Also buying and selling things between staff and clients are not allowed yet most staff sell and buy ciggarettes and other things all the time. These are never questioned yet a friendship that those who are closest too us feel is God ordained is being punished. I don't understand it.
Today I found out that because of this latest thing, John and I both may lose our new places of residences. That makes me even more angry because work promised me that I would be available for Nov 1 and wasn't so I have been couch surfing (and running out of places to surf too). And John has been patiently waiting for a independent suite for 5 months (which is something he has to have before he can get visitation with his children.
Also, due to this stress, my health is deteriating in the past 2 months I have developed kidney stones and gallbladder stones. John has also found out that he has some neulogical condition that make it impossible for him to return back to his heavy equipment operator job.
I am not sure why I wrote this... Maybe it was just so I can vent and express what is going on with me becasue if I don't I feel I will explode. But any advise (or critisim,though I feel I have gone through enough) will be welcomed.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: a friendship possible more. - 11/20/2009 10:44:08 PM
|
|
|
herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1999
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: offline
|
The thing that struck me was what that person in your small group did. That was appalling behaviour that they lied in their letter and that they also went behind your back to do so. They had absolutely no reason to think or believe that you were having a sexual relationship with John. Have you confronted them on this? have you spoken to your pastor about it? They need to be challenged on this strongly and asked why they said what they did and asked to appologise and write agan saying that what they said was wrong.
As for the rest, if you are keeping to the rules then I cant understand what their problem is but if you are breaking the rules then I can undertand their concerns. If you still have your job then why will you both loose your living accomodation?
I can see that they do have to be careful in this sort of situation, as it is easy for people going through bad times and their counsellors to get too close and have innappropriate relationships. This happens in all sorts of senarios such as with pastors and women parishioners etc etc.and so rules do have to be in place.
Obviously God is warning you to leave it for a while so may be that is the best thing, and you just treat each other as
you would any other person there until more is settled including the housing situation. I am sure that 6 months down the line things will be clearer and when and if God leads you will both be in a better place to carry on your friendship.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
